Carlos Xuma – Ultimate Inner Game
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Carlos Xuma – Ultimate Inner Game
Archive : Carlos Xuma – Ultimate Inner Game
New Technologies of Psychology Show You
How to Conquer Shyness, Get Rid of Your Nervousness, Fears, and Anxieties With Women –
The Secrets to Build BULLETPROOF Self-Confidence & Emotional Self-Control…
Finally, you can learn hidden mental ‘Martial Arts’ techniques to renew and rebuild your ultimate, rock-solid inner game…
Skyrocket your success with women, increase your social circle, and get rid of your anxious fears once and for all…
What is Inner Game?
Well, it’s a pretty fancy term for some of our most important traits as a man.
Inner Game includes things like:
- Self-confidence – Being cool, not needy, and self-reliant…
- Controlling your fears and emotions – Not losing control and becoming a train wreck when you are put in situations that are unfamiliar or charged…
- Control of your thinking – Not getting caught in your head and stuck in your own thinking… being present-moment focused… Having inner awareness and self-control…
- Getting rid of anxiety and nervousness – Feeling relaxed and calm in any social situation… Having good social skills…
- Self-esteem – Feeling good about yourself and liking yourself… Being able to handle criticism and the negative opinions of others… Not needing their approval all the time…
Inner Game can also mean many more things to you. Here are some of the different definitions that guys have told me over the years:
- Inner Game is: Knowing that a woman has certain expectations of you that you need to live up to…
- Inner Game is: Being relaxed and natural with women, and not having to “fake it to make it” all the time…
- Inner Game is: Knowing you’ve “got the goods” when it comes to having value to give to a woman – in conversation, as well as in your lifestyle…
- Inner Game is: Not feeling awkward around women or in social situations…
- Inner Game is: Keeping conversations with women interesting and going where you want them to go – without ending up as another shoulder to cry on…
- Inner Game is: Getting past your flaws and frustrations once and for all…
- Inner Game is: Being able to take the risks you always wanted to…
- Inner Game is: Managing the peaks and valleys of your confidence level as it goes up and down…
- Inner Game is: Making things you’ve already learned about women and all the pieces fall into place quicker…
- Inner Game is: Not feeling disappointed by women and relationships from the past…
- Inner Game is: Bouncing back from failures and rejections… and not taking them personally…
- Inner Game is: Staying true to yourself and your identity – not compromising your values and morals just to get women or get ahead in life…
- Inner Game is: Overcoming your own internal conflicts…
- Inner Game is: Awareness and knowing yourself inside and out…
- Inner Game is: Having a strong grip on your own reality – and not getting caught off guard, no matter what comes your way!
- Inner Game is: Being the dominant ALPHA of the group instead of the guy who can’t get a word in edgewise in the conversation…
- Inner Game is: Stop being so attached to the outcome and just be present-moment focused, having fun and staying out of your head…
- Inner Game is: Knowing that whatever happens in life, you will prevail and come out on top!
You Can Get All The Phone Numbers And Dates You Want…
If You Don’t Have Inner Game, They Won’t Go
Beyond “Let’s Just Be Friends…”
I see a lot of guys learning the “48 Second Technique To Get A Woman’s Phone Number.” Yeah, great stuff, until you realize that this will not guarantee you:
– get her to answer the phone, or…
– get a date with her, or…
– that she’ll be attracted to you, or…
– that you will be able to escalate physically with her.
In fact, getting a phone number is only the START of the game.
If you don’t have the confidence and psychology mastered in advance, you probably won’t even get past the approach – IF you even approach her at all.
And sometimes that knowledge will be enough to give guys approach anxiety right away.
Just imagine what you could do if you knew you wouldn’t be shaken up or rattled by a beautiful woman’s attitude…
What do you need to feel in order to
get your “Inner Game” handled?
Ultimately, it really boils down to a feeling of control over your own life.
You don’t want to feel like other people control your success with women. And you sure as hell don’t want to feel like you can’t control your own success with women.
Let me ask you something…
You ever try using a line on a woman and have it fall flat – like, dead embarrassing silence flat on its face?
I have, too.
I coach and talk to guys every day that learn a lot of techniques and “lines” to use on women, but they don’t seem to work for them.
Why don’t techniques and routines work?
Usually because of the level of self-esteem and self confidence of the guy using them.
And, in reality, just by using another guy’s lines and words, you’re sending a subtle message to your self-esteem that the only thing you can do to attract women is NOT be yourself. And that doesn’t increase a guy’s inner game.
Women Can Read Your Inner Game Like Nobody Else Can…
Something I noticed is that women can be the most irrational creatures on the planet – and they can also read a man’s level of confidence better than anyone else.
- She knows when you’re approaching her and feeling nervous and can barely say your name…
- She knows when your self-confidence is in the crapper because of your last breakup…
- She knows when you suddenly start needing her approval because you’re feeling “shaky” in the other areas of your life…
She just knows this stuff, and as annoying as it is to have a woman that can read you, it has the ultimate effect of keeping us honest.
Have you ever heard someone tell you that women want “confident” guys?
Only about a milion times, probably.
Well, the last thing you need is to feel like your game is being destroyed by a woman that can see right through you.
What they say is true…
Fix Your Inner Game And Everything Else
Really Does Take Care of Itself
Something else I discovered as I was coaching men and teaching them some of the secrets of ultimate inner game was that when a guy would finally get focused on the right parts of his personality and his self-improvement, he got good with women.
And I mean SCARY good.
And he usually had no idea WHY this was happening, either.
He’d find that he was not only able to be more relaxed and “in the moment” with women,” but he was also able to just come up with the perfect things to say in any situation.
What was happening was that he was unlocking his own Natural Game.
What is “Natural Game”?
Well, quite simply, it’s the kind of game a guy has when he’s not trying to be someone else. He’s comfortable in his own skin, and it shows.
He’s not using pickup artist material. He’s not being sneaky or trying to hypnotize women with “trance words.”
He’s just tuned into his own natural ability. All guys have it, but our inner game doesn’t come with an instruction book, so we spend years and years trying to figure out how it’s supposed to work.
Take This Quick Inner Game Quiz:
Answer each of these questions in your head and add up all the ones you answer “YES” to…
- Do you feel confident everywhere else, but when you’re with a woman you really want it all disappears?
- Are you confident with certain women, but the 9s and 10s leave you speechless and nervous?
- Are you ever intimidated by trying to date younger, more attractive women?
- Do you have trouble handling the other more aggressive guys out there?
- Do you feel invisible to women? Do you feel like beautiful women shake you up?
- Do you intellectually know that sex with a woman won’t really solve all your problems, but you still feel driven to pursue it at all costs?
- Do you ever feel “stuck” in your head? Do you feel like you think more about things than you should?
- Do you frequently feel indecisive? Anxious? Nervous? So much that it’s holding you back from doing things other people seem to have no problem with?
- Do you know that your knowledge and experience needs to be put to work in the real world, but you can’t seem to find those steps to “connect the dots” to get started?
- Do you just want to feel comfortable in your own skin? And authentic to who you are?
- Do you want to be able to express your feelings and true personality? Free from being judged by other people’s critical eye?
- Do you want to feel like the “prize” that a woman is desperate to win?
If you answered 4 or more questions “YES” in the quiz above, you’re like 85-90% of the guys I’ve worked with – and you’re completely NORMAL.
The problem is that most other guys out there would never admit it, so you end up feeling like the weird and “insecure” one.
The secret truth that guys don’t know is that most men out there are playing the “fake it” game with their inner game and self-confidence. In fact, 80% or more of the guys that you think of as “very confident” are probably even MORE anxious in their heads than you would believe.
Most guys are “faking it” with women.
First, here’s another little secret for you:
Natural Game Is What You Have When You Finally Master Your Inner Game…
Every one of the guys that I’ve coached to get their inner game together has made the discovery that his game with women comes easily and naturally when he finds his confidence.
He also finds that:
Conversation comes easy. There are no more uncomfortable silences…
The sting of rejection disappears. Your identity is no longer in her hands…
Women can no longer make you feel inadequate, or hurt your feelings…
You still have that same sense of excitement and thrill when you see an attractive women you want to meet, but you don’t feel the invisible grip of fear stopping you from going after her…
You no longer need any “lines” or routines with women. In fact, you start finding the perfect thing to say because you don’t have to go out with a “full head” of stuff you never use…
Social situations become incredibly easy… you make friends wherever you go…
You stop losing your emotional cool around women, and you stop feeling like a puppet pulled around by the strings of jealousy and fear…
You feel comfortable and authentic when relating to people, and your anxiety and nervousness disappears…
Your Inner Game Can Mess Up Your Social Life, Too…
Have you ever been out trying to meet people and have fun, or maybe you were just hanging around your friends, and you couldn’t seem to feel like you were “IN” the conversation? They seemed to have their little “clique” with each other, but they didn’t seem to want to connect with you, no matter how hard you tried.
The fact is that your level of inner confidence also affects how successful you are with your social life and social network, too.
But, the same as dating, your “natural social game” comes automatically when your inner game is feeling solid and stable.
So what are the most important parts of your inner game to work on?
Here Are The 6 Key Areas Of
A Man’s Core Inner Game
Now I’m going to share with you the 6 key areas of inner game that a man must understand and master. When you have these taken care of, you’ll find that the others just take care of themselves…
1. SELF-CONFIDENCE & SELF-ESTEEM
- This is one that is probably tops on every guy’s list of things he wants to improve.
- We want to be confident and secure, and we want to really like who we are as a person. There’s really no greater thing to aspire to in our lives.
- But HOW do you improve it? It’s not one of those things that anyone ever teaches you in school. Heck, even my own dad didn’t teach me this when I was growing up and getting picked on by other kids. My parents would tell me to just “not let it bother me.” What good is that?
- Well, while I was doing some research for this article I found a bunch of news reports about how your self-esteem is pretty much connected to everything in your life – like:
- Your level of income…
- The amount of satisfaction you get from your frienships…
- Your health – including how often you get sick – and how long you will live…
- Your job security…
- Your happiness…
- The relationship you have with your family…Isn’t it amazing how one psychological factor – your self-confidence – can account for such a HUGE part of a man’s life?
2. SELF-DISCIPLINE & EMOTIONAL CONTROL
- This is what I wished I’d had when I found myself calling my ex in the middle of the night, or waiting out in that girl’s parking lot for 6 hours for her to come home from her other boyfriend.
- Self-discipline is that ability to say what you should when you know you should, and – more importantly – keeping your mouth shut when you ought to just be quiet.
- Emotional control is one of those things every guy wants when he has a woman that likes to “push his buttons.”
- And it’s something we ABSOLUTELY need when a woman starts testing us. You ever feel your panic start to rise when a woman asks you a test question like, “Do you have a girlfriend?”
- A woman’s ultimate decision about how she feels about you always comes down to how you control your emotions at a few key and critical moments.
- Will you know what to do when the time comes?
- The next area of inner game that you have to know is…
3. HOW TO GET RID OF OLD, SELF-DEFEATING BEHAVIORS
- You might also call this “How to Change Yourself” – without the burnout and frustration.
- This is another skill that no one ever taught us: How to change.
- I was brought up in a family that didn’t ever seem to change. My dad smoked like a chimney, and he tried EVERYTHING you can imagine to quit. From acupuncture to hypnotism. He kept smoking until the day he died.
- My uncle was always getting crappy jobs, drinking like a fish, and doing more drugs than most of the rock bands I was listening to. I listened to his lame excuses for his behavior, and I heard about him trying to rehab every week.
- He’s in his fifties now and he still hasn’t changed. Not ONE BIT.
- It’s discouraging seeing so many people who never seem to change.
- But then I saw other people in my life changing their lives around. I had friends that quit smoking and became respectable and successful.
- So I had to figure out what it was that made them different, and why they were able to change when others didn’t.
- And not just the secret of how to kick one bad habit, because that could just be a fluke. I wanted to know how to change or improve whatever I wanted so that I could be the man I wanted to be.
- This is the essence of personal change, and it’s one of the most essential skills of inner game to learn. Because without it, you’ll never be able to make the others work for you.
- The belief and ability to change is crucial to any Alpha Man’s skills, as is his sense of…
- Look, as guys, we know that losing our hair doesn’t mean one bit of difference to who we really are as men. After all, there isn’t a special nerve connection from your scalp to the “confidence center” of your brain, so it shouldn’t mean anything to us, right?
- The way we feel about our appearance impacts our level of self-esteem and how attractive we feel with women.
- But why is it that you’ve seen some bald guys that get a TON of action from women, AND they are more confident than Tom Cruise. What’s different about them?
- Yup. It’s that darn Inner Game again.
- These guys know something different about themselves that stops them from seeing the missing hair as being a reason to feel like they are less attractive or less manly.
- And they also have the ability to…
5. MANAGE ANXIETY & FEAR
- This is one area that men don’t like to talk about. I know I didn’t.
- Hey, what guy wants to admit that he’s got a fear of women, or feels a sick, anxious knot of heat in the middle of his stomach when he walks up to talk to a woman?
- But there are so many guys who run into the brick wall of their own emotions in many different situations.
- It’s not our fault!
- Men simply are not brought up to manage or understand their emotions the same way women are. But emotional intelligence is the number one indicator of your level of happiness, life satisfaction, and ultimate level of success.
- The skills to manage our internal state are also incredibly important for when we want to approach women, or when we want to move in for the kiss, or escalate things sexually with a woman.
- And, funny enough, this also leads to…
6. SHYNESS & SOCIAL SKILLS
- Wait, didn’t I say “Inner Game” areas?
- Yes, I did. And your social skills fit right into your inner game.
- Here’s how…
- You ever been with a group of your friends when you crack a joke at the right time, you get some big laughs, and suddenly everyone warms up to you? You feel like you’re one of the “cool people” in just one moment. You managed to change yourself from ‘outsider’ to ‘insider’ with just one quick social move.
- Now, tell me that you wouldn’t feel like ‘The Man’ right at that moment.
- You would feel on top of the world, wouldn’t you?
- Your inner confidence increases massively from your OUTER experience.
- And THAT is the big secret of inner game.
Your Inner Game does not improve without outer game techniques and successes that complete the circuit for you. Inner Game is like the positive terminal on a battery… you have all this potential, but nothing happens until you connect it to the negative terminal of your battery – your OUTER game.
And this is what I finally figured out after years of just trying to “read books” and “listen to tapes.” Those methods don’t work unless you get something practical you can use to really see and feel the change in your experience.
Here Are The Two Huge Realizations That Released My Stuck Brakes…
The unfortunate fact is that most guys like you and me want to improve our confidence and Alpha game, but there is so much junk out there that it’s like panning for gold in a mountain stream.
TONS of work with very little payoff.
This is why most guys end up bored, frustrated – and they quit. And then they end up settling for less in their lives.
They fight long and hard to get very little results.
All because they didn’t have the understanding of “Aikido” for their inner game.
Here are the BIG realizations I discovered about my inner game…
My Big Realization #1: If I got just ONE thing out of a book or program that helped me, it was worth any amount of money.
I mean, if some tip helped me get even just a little bit more confident, it was worth the work to find it. It’s just like rock climbing – if you find just one place to hold onto that’s a bit further up, the next one is now probably within your reach.
Every little bit counts.
I even stopped whining that this or that book/tape wasn’t worth the money, and I’d keep everything I got – knowing that there was always at least one secret in it that would help my game.
And I found a LOT of secrets over the years.
And then I had…
My Big Realization #2: My brain is tricking me and doesn’t help me most of the time.
Have you ever been in a moving vehicle, like a car or a train, and you’ve been riding along for a few minutes. And then you come to a stop, but for some reason it still feels like you’re still moving?
It’s just like those “optical illusions” you see in books, where your brain can be tricked by a simple pattern on a piece of paper.
Well, I realized after many years of struggling, that my own mind was tricking me in a lot of ways. Like making me think that what other people were thinking of me was good or bad – or that it really mattered at all.
Once I finally understood WHY I thought these things, and – more importantly – what I should be focusing on, I stopped feeling so self-conscious with women and in social groups.
My Big Realization #3: If I re-read a book, or listened to a program again, I’d always find 2 or 3 more great strategies that I could use that I didn’t hear the first time.
Usually a lot more than that!
I must have read 200 books and listened to another hundred tapes and CDs on self-development. I went through everything I could find out there.
Not everything I read was new to me. In fact, the reality is that most of that stuff only had a couple nuggets of pure gold in them. But inevitably I’d read a book and find one or more new concepts or techniques that really grabbed me.
The funny thing was that those new things I found were there before, but my mind just wasn’t ready to find them the first time around. I mean, there were some really incredible insights in there just waiting to be found…
But then I thought, who has the time to go through hundreds and hundreds of hours of programs over and over again like I did?
I don’t think anyone wants to “pan for gold” like that.
So after going through most of my notes, my workbooks, and journals, I decided to pull together all the stuff I had on this one topic of self-confidence and inner game into something that any guy could use – and not have to spend months and years learning.
Wouldn’t It Be Cool If You Could Compact Months and Years Of Self-Help Work Into Just A Fraction Of The Time?
Look, the reality is that most people simply don’t have the time or even the interest in reading hundreds of books